Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
