my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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