she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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