Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
