I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sarcasm needs its own font
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
