Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
