whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize