Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
