Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
