I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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