I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
