I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
