I feel like abortions should bother me more
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
