her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this will be a night to untag.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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