i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
