what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
