I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
