ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
