Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
