My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
