You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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