Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
