even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I would fuck him just for his dog
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
