if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
