I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
