And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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