well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let's paint friendship bongs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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