i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is my gift to your gina
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
