Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
