My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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