I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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