i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
