just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
