If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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