She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need moral support for this bender
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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