Don't you send me to vm
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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