Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
