I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I touched a dick in church today
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
