idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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