Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
