Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
