I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
