Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
