If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
