Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
