We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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