bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
