Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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