is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
