"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He better not be in your backpack
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
