i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
