he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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