Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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