better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
