So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
