Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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