The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
