***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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