This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
