Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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