The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
