Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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