No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
