Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
