I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
